QUESTION:

Hello, my name is Paola and I’m 19 years old.
Recently I’ve accepted that I have been living my life in a completely wrong way and I can’t change it to the way I want. I hope you can help me! My problem is that I’m TOO COMPLICATED. It makes me suffer because I think over and over things that aren’t worth it. I have a very good life; I like what I study, I love my boyfriend (and he as a person is everything I could wish for), I have a nice family which supports me in every aspect and have hardly any conflicts with them, I have good friends, I like myself, etc. But, although at certain moments I feel absolutely happy with everything I have… most of the time I just forget it! And get lost in silly things. I’m sure I can be more than happy with everything I have, in fact, at times I really am happy (it’s not like I WANT anything else or want changes… I really do like my life) BUT I don’t know why I just can’t feel it. I’m a very sensible person and immediately feel bad about things; I easily get angry, offended, sad, worried. But with happiness it works the other way around, it’s there but I can hardly feel it.  It’s not like I’m being silly or “blocked” because, as you see, I really think about how fortunate I am (and I know I really am!), I even write things down and then read them to help me feel better… and it works sometimes, but it requires an effort. (For example now after writing this I can tell you surely with a smile on my face: I am happy!)   I sometimes think this is because maybe I just think things too much (and I can’t help it), or maybe because I’m just naturally depressive or something like that… I don’t understand. And it’s a problem for me because I’m afraid I might lose people I appreciate (by complicating with little problems) and also sometimes feel unable to demonstrate other people how special they are to me… It would only feel natural to me to do it if they are dying, if they are breaking up with me… in extreme situations (and I know that is SO WRONG of me) So, in conclusion, my question is: How can I really appreciate things in life and learn to be happy about them naturally? (Is this possible?) I know I can work on it, but can it be something natural? I mean, will my immediate reactions someday reflect what I really should feel(for example joy instead of… worry) ?    I’m sorry if this was too long. Thank you very much for reading! Good bye, have a nice day.
Paola.

ANSWER:

Dear Paola,

I appreciate your question and wish I could talk to you in person, because I know I would be able to help you with more precision.

You can absolutely be happy (there is nothing wrong with you at all), but that doesn’t mean settling for the mediocre. It’s wonderful to appreciate the good things in your life and be grateful, but it’s also natural and necessary for each person to want to grow and to fulfill their FULL potential.

The feeling that I am getting Paola is that you are not yet at your full potential, and deep down you know this! You feel guilty for wanting more because all your friends and family think that you should be happy with what you have. Even you are telling yourself that you live a good life and should not want more.

But deep down, you know there are these desires in your heart that you aren’t living yet. There is so much more to you! Life is huge, amazing, magical, and worth exploring! So are you! Maybe you want to travel to far away places and discover new worlds. Maybe you want to live differently than your family and friends. Maybe there is a whole set of talents and abilities in you that you haven’t discovered yet. I think it’s all of the above.

There is no shame in wanting something different or better, even if what you have is by most people’s standards great.  There have been many great men and women in history who gave up everything they had, even though they had cushy lives, because they wanted to discover more of themselves and the world. The result was that, in addition to achieving their full potential, they ended up revolutionizing their societies and evolving the human consciousness.

You have to get out there, into the unknown, to discover what’s calling you. You may not know what you want now, but your heart is telling you that there is more out there for you. Things you’ve never experienced before. This is what pioneers and explorers do. They are usually not satisfied with the ordinary, no matter how good in other people’s eyes.

Paola, I strongly suggest that you allow yourself to feel your negative feelings and allow yourself to want more out of life. Ask the universe to show you what you need to do next and look for signs. Follow your heart. Don’t worry about what others will think of you. They may think you are crazy to make certain changes, but their opinion doesn’t matter at all.

My heart tells me that you are ready for the next level! I think you are one of those special humans who is here to discover new things, and you are bored with your current life. Just admit it and start looking for new adventures. Take classes that call you, read about explorers, make new friends who think outside of the box or who have travelled more extensively to places you’ve never been to. These things will inspire you and challenge you to grow.

“Complicated” is a negative word for “complex”. Being complex implies that you are above average, able to do what others cannot. Paola, there is nothing wrong with you, you are just meant to do great things.

In my own life, when I was in my early twenties, my peers often used to say to me, “you think too much” and “you over-analyze.” The truth was that they just didn’t understand me because I’m a very deep thinker and I can focus for hours and hours on many aspects and layers and possible interpretations of one issue. Most people cannot. I now use this ability in my work with clients, which makes me very VERY good at what I do, so it helps my clients, and it also makes me great money and I love doing it! The same is true for you. Your complexity is your gift! You just need to find a way to use it in a way that excites you.

The world needs you, so don’t keep yourself small.

I’d like to leave you with these two quotes.

“Throw away the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  -MARK TWAIN

“Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.” – ROBERT KENNEDY

I wish you great success sweetheart!

Kisses,
Len Sone
certified Life Coach

http://kissesandhearts.com

“Personal coaching with kisses and hearts”