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	<title>Kisses &#38; Hearts ~ Life Coaching for Young Women &#187; len sone</title>
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		<title>What does passive-aggressive mean?</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/what-does-passive-aggressive-mean/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/what-does-passive-aggressive-mean/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 31 Oct 2010 15:29:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[aggressive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[coaching for young women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[coping]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happy halloween]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[passive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive-aggressive]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[what does passive aggressive mean]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=762</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First off, HAPPY HALLOWEEN everyone! Halloween is all about scary things, so I&#8217;d like to discuss one truly scary topic: being passive-aggressive!! Scared yet? People often ask what the term even means, and how  they can know if they are exhibiting such behavior. Read on to find out my take on this monster &#8230;. Passive-aggressive [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3><strong>First off, HAPPY HALLOWEEN everyone! Halloween is all about scary things, so I&#8217;d like to discuss one truly scary topic: being passive-aggressive!! Scared yet?<br />
</strong></h3>
<h3><strong>People often ask what the term even means, and how  they can know if they are exhibiting such behavior. Read on to find out my take on this monster &#8230;.</strong></h3>
<p><strong><br />
</strong></p>
<p><em><strong>Passive-aggressive</strong></em> means that you first do something <em>passive</em> and then you do something <em>aggressive</em>.</p>
<p>In other words, first you do something you don&#8217;t want to do, then you do something hostile.</p>
<p>Let me give you an easy example first.</p>
<p>Your friend tells you to wash her dishes. If you wash the dishes even though you feel this was an unjust demand, and then later blow up at her for telling you to do it, your action is passive-aggressive.</p>
<p>A much better strategy is to neither be passive (you don&#8217;t wash her dishes in the first place) nor aggressive ( you don&#8217;t blow up at her).</p>
<p>It would be best for you to simply ask your friend right away why she expects you to wash her dishes. Then based on the response, you can decide whether you want to do it or not. You can say &#8220;No thank you&#8221;. Your friend may have miscommunicated and her request may make more sense, or you may realize your friend really wants to treat you badly and in that case, explain to her how you&#8217;d like to be treated! If she still treats you badly, stop being her friend.</p>
<p>Another point I want to make is that the aggressive part is sometimes more sneaky. An example would be you sleeping with your friend&#8217;s boyfriend instead of yelling at her. This is simply a much more extreme and unhealthy case of being passive-aggressive.<br />
(Side note: when girls sleep with their friend&#8217;s boyfriend, it&#8217;s often because they feel inferior to the girlfriend in some way and really want to feel on equal footing.)</p>
<p>The &#8220;passive&#8221; part can also be more complex. An example of doing something you don&#8217;t want to do can be something like not getting enough hugs from your lover. The aggressive response would be to start pointless fights and be constantly critical. A much better approach would be to just tell him/her what you want and why, &#8220;I love cuddling with you! It makes me feel so loved. *open arms asking for a hug*&#8221;. Which girlfriend would you rather hug? Haha. Just say what you want! [By the way, this is an example from my own life, so you see I'm not without past blunders!]</p>
<p>Most people (both men and women) are passive-aggressive to some extent. They are afraid to say No, they keep disrespecting themselves, but then they find some way to get back at the other person and themselves.<br />
The problem with this is that most of the time their interpretation was off anyway because the other person didn&#8217;t mean to hurt them. We tend to think others see us the way we see ourselves. And in extreme cases where the other person was intentionally hurtful, the conflict is calmer and shorter when dealt with the direct approach. Anger is actually not necessary since we can just contently decide to leave due to an incompatibility. (Although this is a topic for a lengthier discussion.)</p>
<p>Lastly I want to say that we have all been passive-aggressive at some point. We learn this strategy from our parents, other family members, peers and even teachers. Generally speaking, no one sits us down and gently says, &#8220;Ok hun, I am going to show you a better way to get what you want&#8221;.</p>
<p>Just examine your life for this pattern and see if you can be more aware and direct from now on. You&#8217;ll see your relationships becoming easier, lighter, and generally of better quality.</p>
<p> <img src='http://kissesandhearts.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>Kisses,</p>
<h2><span style="color: #99cc00;">Len Sone<br />
</span></h2>
<p><img src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_slNWN9tc1BQ/TODH58o70XI/AAAAAAAAAp8/3n18R407V6Q/s800/khlogo3.gif" alt="kisses and hearts personal coaching by Len Sone" /></p>
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		<item>
		<title>Win a month of FREE coaching with Len!</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/win-a-month-of-free-coaching-with-len/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/win-a-month-of-free-coaching-with-len/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Aug 2010 22:40:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[free month of coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[free session]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[girls 18-25]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[len sone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life coaching for young women 18-25]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[september]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[win free coaching]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=722</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[August is a special month for me because of my birthday. I thought it would be exciting to offer one special girl an opportunity to have one month of free coaching with me. If this sounds exciting to you, you must email me telling me about yourself, why you should win and why you need/want [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>August is a special month for me because of my birthday. I thought it would be exciting to offer one special girl an opportunity to have <strong>one month of free coaching</strong> with me. If this sounds exciting to you, you must email me telling me about yourself, why you should win and why you need/want to be coached. I&#8217;d like to know what issues you&#8217;d like to work on. Also include at least one picture of yourself. At the end of August I will select the winner and will personally work with this person in September!</p>
<p>I will probably narrow the selection down to 2 or 3 girls, and have a little phone interview with them to see who should win.</p>
<p>The winner will get 4 sessions (one every week) and unlimited email support during their free month.</p>
<p>REQUIREMENTS:</p>
<p>* you must be a female 18-25 years old</p>
<p>* you must have never worked with me before</p>
<p>* you must be available in September</p>
<p>* you must have a strong desire to work on your personal development</p>
<p>* you must be happy to promote K&amp;H Coaching (by telling your friends and on your social networks)</p>
<p>* you should be comfortable sharing your story because your experience may be featured on this website!</p>
<p>Len&#8217;s email: <strong>Len@KissesAndHearts.com</strong></p>
<p>Looking forward to reading all your emails!</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>3 Questions to answer before your coaching session</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/3-questions-to-answer-before-your-coaching-session/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/3-questions-to-answer-before-your-coaching-session/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Jul 2010 03:03:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[3]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[len sone]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=707</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You&#8217;re about to work with me and you&#8217;re wondering how to prepare. Here are the 3 questions to answer. 1. Who are you secretly jealous of? 2. What are you secretly afraid of? 3. What is your biggest obstacle? These questions will open your mind to your innermost desires and weaknesses. I am so excited [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You&#8217;re about to work with me and you&#8217;re wondering how to prepare.</p>
<p>Here are the 3 questions to answer.</p>
<p>1. Who are you secretly jealous of?</p>
<p>2. What are you secretly afraid of?</p>
<p>3. What is your biggest obstacle?</p>
<p>These questions will open your mind to your innermost desires and weaknesses.</p>
<p>I am so excited to hear your answers! <img src='http://kissesandhearts.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>Why 1 year of life coaching?</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/get-1-year-of-life-coaching/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/get-1-year-of-life-coaching/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Mar 2010 01:57:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Len Sone</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[book]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[coaching is a luxury]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[free life coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[invest in yourself]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[len sone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[narcissism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[next top new age book]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-actualization]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[who do you want to be]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[win 1 year of coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work with a life coach]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=660</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Have you ever considered life coaching but thought it was too expensive? It is expensive, and that&#8217;s because having a life coach is a luxury. Some of the biggest names in all industries have their own life coaches. These people are already good at what they do, so why do they hire coaches? Because they [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever considered <strong>life coaching</strong> but thought it was too expensive? It <em>is</em> expensive, and that&#8217;s because having a life coach is a luxury. Some of the biggest names in all industries have their own life coaches. These people are already good at what they do, so why do they hire coaches? Because they want that extra push, inspiration, or support when times get tough.</p>
<p>Friends and lovers are great to have, but have you ever noticed that sometimes they are actually the least likely to see your greatness? They are too close to you, and they see you for who you are NOW. My job is to see you in the grandest vision so I can help you get there.</p>
<p>My question to you is: Who do you want to be in 1 year? In 5 years?</p>
<p>Invest in yourself. Even if money is tight. Come meet the person you want to be.</p>
<p>Kisses,</p>
<p>Len Sone</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Q&amp;A: Aber (Abraham Hicks fan) with a question about manifestation</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-aber-abraham-hicks-fan-with-a-question-about-manifestation/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-aber-abraham-hicks-fan-with-a-question-about-manifestation/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:43:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Len Sone</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[aber]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abraham hicks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ask and it is given]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[deliberate creator]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional guidance system]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional journey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional scale]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[focuswheel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[get in the vortex]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[inner being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lacking confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[law of attraction]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[manifestation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[out of the vortex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[overwhelment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Q&A]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[true wizard]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[uncomfortable]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[vibration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vibrationally]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=640</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This Q&#38;A uses Abraham-Hicks terminology. If you are unfamiliar with this brilliant teacher, check out abraham-hicks.com. This article is meant for Abers but others may be able to understand/follow it as well. ? Dear Len, my dream burns bright within me. I have followed the energy of what excites me vibrationally via focuswheel-ing and appreciation [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><span lang="EN"><strong></strong></span></div>
<div><span lang="EN"><strong>This Q&amp;A uses Abraham-Hicks terminology. If you are unfamiliar with this brilliant teacher, check out <a title="Abraham Hicks Website" href="http://abraham-hicks.com" target="_blank">abraham-hicks.com</a>. </strong></span></div>
<p><span lang="EN"><strong>This article is meant for Abers but others may be able to understand/follow it as well.</strong></p>
<p>?</p>
<p>Dear Len,</p>
<p>my dream burns bright within me. I have followed the energy of what excites me vibrationally via focuswheel-ing and appreciation lists (my 2 fave processes) and today got a very specific idea in my imagination. At first I felt &#8220;this is it&#8221; and was so happy and excited, but then I started to feel major anxiety about it. What is up with that? X, Amy*</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>ANSWER:?</strong></p>
<p>Dearest Amy* (and fellow Aber),</p>
<p>You&#8217;re a true wizard! You&#8217;re not an &#8216;action slut&#8217; but a deliberate creator. What an honor! It is a small # of people who understand that. You have been able to comprehend something that not many people do, even the ones who go on and on about Law of Attraction but don&#8217;t truly accept that it&#8217;s entirely an emotional/thought journey. That&#8217;s Wisdom, and wisdom is a huge accomplishment! So, *BIG APPLAUSE*!!!!!</p>
<p>?</p>
<p>Now, about the issue at hand: you must continue the focuswheel+appreciation process! Here&#8217;s why.</p>
<p>You&#8217;re uncomfortable because you&#8217;re not stable yet. You are VERY close but not quite there vibrationally.</p>
<p>If you remember Abraham&#8217;s emotional scale, you are now in &#8216;overwhelment&#8217; and &#8220;impatience&#8221;. Yes, you felt great joy briefly, but that is not your overall vibration. Basically, you got in the vortex and then it spit you out. So, still some work to do. And not much because overwhelment is pretty darn close vibrationally to joy.</p>
<p>First, back up a little bit. Come back to things you have under control now. Feel the comfort of things you&#8217;re already good at. Beat that drum until you feel confident again. There is no hurry, and this won&#8217;t take long.</p>
<p>Confidence is what&#8217;s lacking here, so think about whatever makes you confident now. Start with small things, easy things. &#8220;I can make pancakes. I have a nice bathroom.&#8221; Anything that makes you feel good and proud.</p>
<p>From your new confident vantage point, you&#8217;ll see the whole situation more clearly. Maybe that specific idea is actually not IT but it had many of the wanted elements. Or maybe it is IT but now you&#8217;ll be able to see it in a new light, and as something you can truly belong to, without intimidation. It all becomes clearer when you are in THE VORTEX.</p>
<p>Your IB is in the perfect reality, the total answer to your asking. So it really doesn&#8217;t matter if that specific thing is it or not. Because, you can get to the perfect match. The only reason why you are now attached to that specific thing is because you want your desire to happen ASAP and you fear that it will take forever to come up with another idea. Don&#8217;t think of it that way. Keep returning to the knowing that you want to attract what&#8217;s already in your Vortex. It&#8217;s not a case of someone needing to give you something. It&#8217;s a case of following your own bread crumbs to your own creation. As you know from Abraham, the thing you want is being held for you indefinitely. So in other words, you can&#8217;t miss the bus. That&#8217;s important because, as i wrote, you are tempted to jump the gun a bit. And, I really want you to know that you don&#8217;t need to fear losing the manifestation. It will wait for YOU. You are going to get what you want!</p>
<p>Get back in the vortex. Things will get clearer and then, boom- manifestation. And don&#8217;t hold on to that specific thing too tightly because what your IB has planned for you may be 10x better. One thing you can trust in is that your IB adores you. So trust Her creation.</p>
<p>You are VERY Very close.</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>Len</p>
<p> </p>
<p></span></p>
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		<title>Q&amp;A: Teenager hates who she has become</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-teenager-hates-who-she-has-become/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-teenager-hates-who-she-has-become/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:24:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Len Sone</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[academics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grades]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[guilt]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[high school]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[high scores]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[lazy person]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[len sone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[low self-esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[obsession with good grades]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[overachiever]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SAT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[school]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[superiority complex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[teen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[teenager]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[valedictorian]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[worried about school]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=635</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[  This is a long one folks, but well worth the read! &#8211; Len QUESTION: Dear Ms. Sone, I apologize in advance for unloading an essay of my problems on you. I am 16 years old, and I am going to enter my final year of high school this coming fall. High school is a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p> </p>
<p><strong>This is a long one folks, but well worth the read! &#8211; Len</strong></p>
<p><strong>QUESTION</strong>:</p>
<p>Dear Ms. Sone,</p>
<p>I apologize in advance for unloading an essay of my problems on you. I am 16 years<br />
old, and I am going to enter my final year of high school this coming fall. High school<br />
is a time of growth, it is a time we will always look back on, and I deeply fear I am<br />
always going to look back on this set of 4 years with regret. I feel like I&#8217;ve become an<br />
extremely stupid, selfish, and lazy person.</p>
<p>To begin with, I have been set as the overachiever since I was a child. Always getting<br />
grades at the top of the class, always getting special attention from the teacher not by<br />
kissing up, but by turning in excellent work. This was the person I was when I entered<br />
high school in 9th grade. Oh how I wish I could turn back time to that first day I set<br />
foot on this high school.</p>
<p>Without realizing it before it was too late, I have slowly and steadily become everything<br />
that I hate. Laziness&#8230; I increasingly developed a problem of procrastination of<br />
laziness starting my sophomore year. The procrastination finally caught up with me<br />
the first semester of junior year, and it happened&#8230; I got two B+&#8217;s. I completely lost<br />
my status as valedictorian. Now this may not sound like the end of the world. In fact,<br />
to me personally, it does not matter. But I have immense, shameful guilt for it because<br />
my parents have given the WORLD to me my entire life. Academics was the only thing<br />
they ever asked for, and I failed them. And I can&#8217;t look back proudly on this because I<br />
didn&#8217;t fail after trying my best. I failed because I was stupid and lazy. Similarly my dad<br />
has spent hundreds on SAT prep books. I could have completed them, but no, I<br />
procrastinated. My dad would have been so happy with a 2200. I got a 2090. Was it<br />
my best? No. I was lazy. I remember something my favorite actress, Audrey Hepburn,<br />
said, something about how you should always try your best so you could look back<br />
and be satisfied at simply that, no matter how badly you did. Here is my mom who has<br />
developed arthritis from working so hard for me, here is my dad who has never truly<br />
experienced joy since he left Vietnam, and I am just this ungrateful little wench who<br />
lost my chance to give back to them. The teachers who labeled me as future Stanford,<br />
future Harvard, future doctor in 9th grade; now they look at me with a forced smile.<br />
My grade was 93% instead of the 106% they saw, my tests had a sprinkle of B&#8217;s and<br />
even C&#8217;s when the old Kelly* simply did not accept anything below an A. Naive young<br />
Kelly*, she had the nerve to complain about the pressure of maintaing these grades.<br />
Now I would have anything to put that dedication back. I have irresponsibly<br />
procrastinated by driver&#8217;s license (starting it now when I should have last year), my<br />
subject SAT&#8217;s (which I will cram in October of next year).</p>
<p>I wonder if it is all this disappointment in my academic work that yields this part of the<br />
story..  I have become such a jealous person with a superiority complex. I never<br />
express it, it&#8217;s just these terrible thoughts that I&#8217;m horrified go through my head. I feel<br />
so stupid when someone knows something ahead of me becuase I was too lazy/busy<br />
procrastinating to find out about it myself. I am SO jealous of those who have retained<br />
their valedictorian status. I envy those who have finished their SATs with high scores,<br />
who have done all the right things in high school, have become presidents in clubs<br />
when I didn&#8217;t bother researching you&#8217;re supposed to have good leadership in high<br />
school instead of jumping around clubs with no fixed dedication to any one&#8230;</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s not forget my friends&#8230; I had a permanent set in middle school. It started with a<br />
few, and we kept picking up others, and eventually we reached a group of 6 who<br />
always ate lunch together, always had get-togethers. In high school, our interests<br />
began to diverge; we barely maintained the same activities and hobbies anymore.<br />
However, that didn&#8217;t stop each and every one of them from continuing to sit at the<br />
same lunch spot together every day. Each and every one&#8230; but me. I had another set of<br />
friends and one day I just shamelessly moved on to sit with them. I figured if I just say<br />
hi to the old groupie we&#8217;d still be connected, I figured our group would splinter<br />
anyway since we were all different people&#8230; But no. I completely and unreasonably<br />
deserted my old friends who had never done anything to wrong me. I suppose I miss<br />
them, I mean they don&#8217;t hate me, there&#8217;s just this overwhelming guilt for that&#8230; In<br />
second grade my favorite rhyme was &#8220;New friends are silver and old are gold.&#8221; What<br />
happened to that? How could I ever be so stupid?</p>
<p>And there are all these horrid little things too. My parents are not very materialistic so<br />
I never got them anything for mother&#8217;s or father&#8217;s day or their birthdays. They never<br />
said anything either, they didnt&#8217; care but GOD couldn&#8217;t I have done something? I am<br />
their daughter! I have lied to them, I have had a boyfriend and not told them even<br />
though my mom would fully support it, I have deceived them so many times for my<br />
selfish reasons to spend time with my friends or other silly things like that. I love my<br />
family so much and I hate being this selfish, spoiled brat who hasn&#8217;t shown an ounce<br />
of gratitude. Why can&#8217;t I be the valedictorian who has her two best friends forever, the<br />
one who is president in two clubs along with a role in ASB office, the one who is the<br />
wonderful person everyone looks up to..?</p>
<p>I was raised so much better than this. Here I am. I lost my worth ethic, my academic<br />
status, the only gift I could give to my parents, and my old friends. I have betrayed my<br />
teachers and my parents and my old friends. I&#8217;m sorry for any errors and wordiness<br />
you might have found in this whole thing, I simply could not bring myself to read back<br />
on it&#8230; I just hate myself so much for all these things in my life. I can&#8217;t find the will to<br />
forgive myself.</p>
<p><strong>ANSWER</strong>:<br />
My Dear Kelly*,     (*name changed for privacy)</p>
<p>There&#8217;s a lot here for us to discuss.</p>
<p>Important lesson: Procrastination is just a sign that you don&#8217;t really love something. If you loved it, if it was truly exciting to you, then there would be no procrastinating. You&#8217;d be clamoring to do it and no one could drag you away. Every time you force yourself to do something just so you can get a good grade or please those teachers or parents&#8230; well, the A certainly feels good, but what have you really achieved with it? You are just going along with their beliefs and expectations, and not following your heart.</p>
<p>So kudos to you for procrastinating! That&#8217;s a good sign. It&#8217;s a sign that even though you are burdened with other&#8217;s expectations of you, as well as your own, your wild heart isn&#8217;t squelched yet. Yay. Your heart (the genuine you) is still functioning and saying &#8220;Meh. That&#8217;s boring. Not for me.&#8221; Procrastination is a very important skill in life to have, except the more confident you become, it turns into &#8220;No, I&#8217;m not doing this and I don&#8217;t care what others will think!&#8221;  Which is the secret to happiness, actually.</p>
<p>What is not a secret anymore is that the most successful people didn&#8217;t have good grades. Not that there&#8217;s anything wrong with academia, but that myth that teachers and parents tell you (or imply) that your success in life depends on your grades and the name of your college &#8211; so ridiculously not true and a total manipulation of your mind making you their little slave! Read the book &#8220;The Millionaire Mind&#8221; if you don&#8217;t believe me. Also, look at your own celebrity heroes- you&#8217;ll be pressed to find many who got good grades across the board. I&#8217;m sure you know Einstein hated school. He said, and I quote, &#8220;It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.&#8221; And &#8220;Imagination is more important than knowledge.&#8221; I couldn&#8217;t agree with him more.</p>
<p>But here&#8217;s something a little deeper I want to talk to you about: your desperate need to work hard in school ie. overachieve, and guilt when you don&#8217;t, is really just about your low self-esteem. I think you&#8217;ve had that low self esteem for quite a while, and good grades were/are a quick fix, very much like an addiction.</p>
<p>When you have a high self-esteem, you know you&#8217;re amazing no matter what. Good grades, horrible grades, happy parents, unhappy parents, good hair day, bad hair day, whatever, it doesn&#8217;t change the way you see yourself. But for you, the high of getting that A&#8230; doesn&#8217;t it make you feel less crappy, like you know who you are, you&#8217;re smart and productive and loved? I know it does. I used to be the same way, believe me. It&#8217;s all just a big cover-up, like makeup, trying to hide behind A&#8217;s that you don&#8217;t think much of yourself at all. Without the top-of-the-class persona, you don&#8217;t know who you are. And that&#8217;s what really scares you &#8211; being a &#8220;nobody&#8221;.</p>
<p>The deal is: You&#8217;re not nobody; clearly you&#8217;re somebody. But, you don&#8217;t know who you are. You need to find that one out and there are no shortcuts. You&#8217;re currently in self-discovery-mode, and like most of your peers, will be for quite a few years and then forever. Think of it as an adventure, not a race, where you&#8217;ll keep redefining yourself every few years.<br />
***[SideNote: You may want to get my ebook "Find Your Passion" which is a 3-week lesson+exercise material, and will help you start forming some ideas about what excites you. It costs $15. Shoot me an email if you want it: <a href="mailto:lensone@gmail.com">lensone@gmail.com</a>]</p>
<p>You got some Bs, you procrastinated on stuff you didn&#8217;t love (like the much hated SATs), you lied and changed friends (who doesn&#8217;t?), and so you&#8217;re calling yourself &#8220;selfish, stupid, lazy&#8221;. Yikes! This is some brutal and very critical inner voice you have. It may disguise itself as your friend, but it is not. A healthy self-esteem says, &#8220;I&#8217;m alright even if my grades/friends/etc suck. In fact, I&#8217;m proud of my bad grades. I&#8217;m creative and wild and independent. No one owns me except me. I love me.&#8221; That is self-worth! It&#8217;s actually a blessing that you didn&#8217;t do so well in high-school grade-wise because you exposed your inner demons, and now you can get to work on establishing true self-worth in your senior year. Be dedicated to that.</p>
<p>So how do you raise your self-esteem? The best way is to start doing things that you love, genuinely love, and stop forcing yourself to do things you don&#8217;t. When you love a subject, you tend to do well in it easily. No force, no hard work. Hard work will only get you physical illness. I&#8217;m not saying you won&#8217;t put a lot of effort in your work, but it will feel like fun and time will pass by quickly. You know, one of those, &#8220;can&#8217;t believe it&#8217;s already 6pm. It seems like noon was 5 minutes ago&#8221;. Your passion may very well be in academics, but it probably won&#8217;t be in every single academic subject. Or maybe your passion is elsewhere, not even in school. Being a true scholar doesn&#8217;t require one to be in school, but it does require love of knowledge in some field. Think about that. Anyway, when you do the stuff you love without judgement, you know who you are. You are the one who is doing that fun thing and being really happy. You don&#8217;t need some fake and firm definition of self because you&#8217;re in Joy.</p>
<p>And I know it&#8217;s sometimes hard to do that when you are 16 because your parents and teachers are so convincing. But you&#8217;re a big girl now and you get to choose what to believe. I believe in you. Your &#8220;essay&#8221; shows you&#8217;re intelligent and have great potential to find your own path. Whatever you choose to be passionate about, I know you&#8217;ll do great in it and make us all proud. Just don&#8217;t burden yourself with unrealistic expectations. And work on your self-esteem. Seriously, if there is a subject in life you want to get an A on, it&#8217;s your self-esteem. Nothing matters more.</p>
<p>Make college and studying fun. Don&#8217;t make it about grades. Choose a major you can enjoy. Choose a school you can enjoy. Choose friends and dates you can enjoy. Never mind about what others deem appropriate or prestigious. Just because you like to change your mind often doesn&#8217;t mean you&#8217;re doing anything wrong. Life is all about experimentation and evolution. In the great scheme of things, there is no finish line. You&#8217;ll change your friends again and again, and sometimes you won&#8217;t even have any. It&#8217;s all good! Celebrate life!</p>
<p>Lastly, about your parents: their happiness or the roles they have assigned you are not your responsibilities. So be honest with them about your future plans- perhaps that you won&#8217;t be very studious anymore or whatever it may be- but keep being responsible only for your own happiness and roles you wish to play. I&#8217;m sure that much of your guilt comes from the way you have been raised, but in truth, you&#8217;re not here to be the perfect daughter or student or at the top of your class grade-wise. Who will you become? The decision is yours. Thank your parents for their previous support, but realize that they were doing it for selfish reasons as well: they wanted a daughter who is a good student so they made choices based on that. They are not perfect nor as noble as you may think. Same goes for your teachers. So, from now on, be clearer about what YOU want, and then be clear with them. Your new honest independence will take some getting used to, but the whole family will benefit in the longrun.</p>
<p>Hope this helped you sweetheart!</p>
<p>Kisses,<br />
Len Sone<br />
Self-Empowerment Expert and Life Coach<br />
<a href="http://kissesandhearts.com">http://kissesandhearts.com</a></p>
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		<title>Q&amp;A: I&#8217;m worried about my work situation</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-im-worried-about-my-work-situation/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-im-worried-about-my-work-situation/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 28 Jun 2009 03:45:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Len Sone</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=620</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[  QUESTION: Dear Len! I am a petroleum engineer from Afghanistan now in Canada, I came to Canada as a skilled worker ,because I wanted to escape the Islamic totalatarian regime in Afghanistan,I am 34 yrs old man and i have a life ,where everything seemed to against me, being non-practicing person, member of human [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p> </p>
<p><strong>QUESTION:</strong><br />
Dear Len!<br />
I am a petroleum engineer from Afghanistan now in Canada, I came to Canada as a skilled worker ,because I wanted to escape the Islamic totalatarian regime in Afghanistan,I am 34 yrs old man and i have a life ,where everything seemed to against me, being non-practicing person, member of human right org,s the pressure/fear and last my mothher passed away when i was coming to Canada.       <br />
I have lived life that didn&#8217;t give me a chance to polish myself back home.<br />
Now in Canada, I would like to start a new life, free from anxiety,,fear  and apprehension but my past painful memories deprive me of that. It is a known fact if someone is subject to anxiety and dperession , his/her mental capibilities shrink.<br />
I have problem in focusing , paying attentionn, that&#8217;s why I score poor in my school, I have started my schooling in Canada to up-grade my skills.<br />
I would like to improve my brain function, focus, attention.<br />
Otherwise  i may not be able to get job, if if i am not that technically sound.<br />
Please provide me some advice that could help me in becomig technically sound and my brain start functioning sharpely.In this materialistic a sharp person has more chances to get a job and to progress.<br />
Thanks</p>
<p><strong>ANSWER:</strong></p>
<p>Dear Bob* ,</p>
<p>my sage advice in one word: RELAX!</p>
<p>We are all taught that our work situation depends on our skills and talents, our mental capacity, but that just isn&#8217;t true. The only thing that really matters in our finances and career is our vibration. When we&#8217;re happy and having fun, everything in our life works. When we worry, nothing does. Law of Attraction is THE LAW to pay attention to.</p>
<p>And the thing is, you&#8217;re worrying a lot! You&#8217;re worrying about the past, about your work, your school&#8230;. and about your worrying. That means that your vibration is very low, which means that you&#8217;re attracting many negative things in your life, because like attracts like.</p>
<p>The only thing you need to improve is your vibration, and the only way to do that is to decide to relax, have fun and let worries go.</p>
<p>Let your mantra be: More fun, less worry. More fun, less worry. More fun, less worry.</p>
<p>Make a list of things you enjoy doing for fun and do them more often. Watch movies, play soccer, read poetry, sleep, whatever is fun and easy for you. When a negative thought arises, let God (the Universe) handle it. The old wise saying, &#8220;Let go and let God&#8221; really works wonders for someone like you, someone who has been worrying a lot. It&#8217;s time for you to step aside and let go of trying to manage everything.</p>
<p>If you don&#8217;t believe me, try it out for a month. Simply make your only job to have fun, and let the universe take care of the rest. You will become happier, your vibration will rise, and as a result, you will be attracting better situations including better jobs and more money. And it will all come to you easily.</p>
<p>Another thing to think about is whether you even enjoy your work as a petroleum engineer. If you don&#8217;t, change it into a career you can really love. You are still very young, and you are beginning a NEW Life. Don&#8217;t waste it! This is your chance to create the life you always dreamed of.<br />
Maybe in Afghanistan you couldn&#8217;t be your true self, but now you can. Now you can follow your genuine interests like, for example, taking acting classes because you always secretly wanted to be a famous actor, or business lessons because you always pictured yourself as a successful businessman. If money is short, find another way; do what you can with what you&#8217;ve got until more money comes- and it will! Let Canada be your new home and your new teacher; there&#8217;s a good reason why you moved to a different continent. CHANGE.</p>
<p>It would help you enormously to stop trying to act like a serious and responsible adult, and be a kid again (or maybe for the first time). Dream, nap, play, run.<br />
Life is really fun when you let it be. But it&#8217;s your choice. The thing about life is that the stronger your intention to have fun, the more fun life becomes. It&#8217;s not an instantaneous process because YOU have to change, but life is really just a mirror of you. So if life right now seems all serious and full of pressure, it&#8217;s because You are serious and pressure yourself.</p>
<p>Another perk to having more fun is that it improves your brain function, focus, and attention. All the things you wanted to improve in the first place. But that&#8217;s just icing on the cake. The real gift is that you&#8217;ll be having fun!</p>
<p>I recommend you read &#8220;Ask and It is Given&#8221; by Abraham-Hicks. It will go more in-depth about Law of Attraction. You can also access more of my articles on my website: http://kissesandhearts.com</p>
<p>Finally, I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:</p>
<pre>"Life is too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde</pre>
<p>Have fun,<br />
<strong>Len Sone</strong><br />
Self-Empowerment Expert and Certified Life Coach</p>
<p>http://kissesandhearts.com</p>
<p><em>&#8220;Be Yourself! It&#8217;s the only thing you can be truly successful at.&#8221;</em></p>
<p>(*name changed for privacy)</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>FREE Coaching Session: Are you embarrassed about not being important enough?</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/free-life-coaching-session-assertiveness-training/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/free-life-coaching-session-assertiveness-training/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 May 2009 23:48:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=594</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Do you often feel like you don&#8217;t really matter??? In this free 45-min introductory session, I will work with you personally and show you how to stop being ignored. We will ignite the Dreamer inside you and open the floodgates&#8230; Learn 5 steps to VISIBILITY: 1. Passion 2. Compatibility 3. Self-Worth 4. Visualization 5. Success The [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Do you often feel like you don&#8217;t really matter???</strong></p>
<p>In this free 45-min introductory session, I will work with you personally and show you how to stop being ignored. We will ignite the Dreamer inside you and open the floodgates&#8230;</p>
<p>Learn 5 steps to VISIBILITY:<br />
1. Passion 2. Compatibility 3. Self-Worth 4. Visualization 5. Success</p>
<p>The shame of feeling like a failure haunts many people. Do you feel stuck in your old limited way of seeing yourself? I&#8217;d like to help you get unstuck and rejoin the human community with a new sense of personal power and your life purpose.</p>
<p>This session will jump-start your Assertiveness Training.</p>
<p>Be appreciated &amp; loved &#8230;heard in all your relationships &#8230;confident in any situation!</p>
<p>Sign-up for the free session:</p>
<p>Are you embarrassed about not being important enough?<br />
Do you usually feel like you don&#8217;t really matter???</p>
<p>In this free 45-min introductory session, I will work with you personally and show you how to stop being ignored. We will ignite the Dreamer inside you and open the floodgates&#8230;</p>
<p>Learn 5 steps to VISIBILITY:<br />
1. Passion 2. Compatibility 3. Self-Worth 4. Visualization 5. Success</p>
<p>The shame of feeling like a failure haunts many people. Do you feel stuck in your old limited way of seeing yourself? I&#8217;d like to help you get unstuck and rejoin the human community with a new sense of personal power and your life purpose.</p>
<p>This session will jump-start your Assertiveness Training.</p>
<p>Be appreciated &amp; loved &#8230;heard in all your relationships &#8230;confident in any situation!</p>
<p>Sign-up for the free session by emailing me at <a href="mailto:Len@KissesAndHearts.com">Len@KissesAndHearts.com</a></p>
<p><!----></p>
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		<title>TELESEMINAR: Are you a creative person who struggles financially?</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/teleseminar-are-you-a-creative-person-who-struggles-financially/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/teleseminar-are-you-a-creative-person-who-struggles-financially/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 May 2009 02:14:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Len Sone</dc:creator>
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		<category><![CDATA[TELESEMINAR on June 17th]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://kissesandhearts.com/?p=586</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Next Day/Time: June 17th 6PM Discover how to earn a great living doing what you love! In this group teleseminar, we&#8217;ll work together on all of the following: - You&#8217;ll find your passion! - You&#8217;ll set your results effectively! - You&#8217;ll start creating your project(s)! - You&#8217;ll discover your worth and how to charge what you&#8217;re [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://kissesandhearts.com/pix/life-coaching-teleseminars.gif" alt="Life Coaching Teleseminar" /></p>
<p>Next Day/Time: <strong>June 17th 6PM</strong></p>
<h3>Discover how to earn a great living doing what you love!</h3>
<h3>In this group teleseminar, we&#8217;ll work together on all of the following:</h3>
<h3>- You&#8217;ll find your passion!<br />
- You&#8217;ll set your results effectively!<br />
- You&#8217;ll start creating your project(s)!<br />
- You&#8217;ll discover your worth and how to charge what you&#8217;re worth!<br />
- You&#8217;ll clear the clutter in your surroundings and mind!<br />
- You&#8217;ll be inspired to be extraordinary!<br />
- You&#8217;ll become expensive!<br />
- You&#8217;ll make tons of money!</h3>
<h3>This teleseminar is the first step in showing your commitment to yourself. It&#8217;s saying, &#8220;I matter! I want to succeed!&#8221; Let&#8217;s get you to a place where you feel good about the amount of dollars you&#8217;re making!</h3>
<h3>Interested? Email me to sign up and you will be sent the necessary links.</h3>
<h3>The teleseminar will run for about 1.5 hours.</h3>
<h3>FEE: $97 (or FREE if you join my Assertiveness Training Program)</h3>
<div></div>
<p><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></p>
<h3>Kisses,<br />
Len Sone<br />
Certified Life Coach and Law of Attraction Expert<br />
len@kissesandhearts.com</h3>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p></span></p>
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		<title>Q&amp;A: Teenager&#8217;s life doesn&#8217;t feel real</title>
		<link>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-teenagers-life-doesnt-feel-real/</link>
		<comments>http://kissesandhearts.com/qa-teenagers-life-doesnt-feel-real/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:29:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Len Sone</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[QUESTION: Hi. I&#8217;m very sorry if this question is in the wrong category, but I&#8217;m honestly confused on where it should go. I just need help getting through this phase in my life. When i was 15 (I&#8217;m currently 17), my life hit a difficult and hard-to-describe phase. Ever since i was 15, it&#8217;s like [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3>QUESTION:</h3>
<h3>Hi.<br />
I&#8217;m very sorry if this question is in the wrong category, but I&#8217;m honestly confused on where it should go. I just need help getting through this phase in my life. When i was 15 (I&#8217;m currently 17), my life hit a difficult and hard-to-describe phase. Ever since i was 15, it&#8217;s like my life has been a gigantic dream, but not in a good way whatsoever. It&#8217;s like i&#8217;m not here, i&#8217;m just wasting away my life. I know it might be hard to understand, but this is the best way i can describe it. My life seems like one gigantic dream. I&#8217;m not &#8220;living&#8221; my life. It&#8217;s as though Im seeing it all go by, and I can&#8217;t do one thing about it.<br />
Could this be because of a chemical deficiency? Could this be just a teenage phase? I don&#8217;t think i could have put this on myself. I don&#8217;t do drugs, drink, or smoke, so i know that couldn&#8217;t be an answer. But please, i know it might be hard to understand, but please try to e-mail me back as soon as possible. I truly need help through this. Thank you for your time.</h3>
<h3>ANSWER:</h3>
<p> </p>
<h3>Hi Billy (*name changed for privacy),yes, this is the right place for your question!</p>
<p>I know that a lot of people may tell you that you may have some chemical deficiency and put you on some drug. However, even our body chemistry is caused by our vibration (our thoughts and emotions). To change your issue, you need to focus your thoughts in a positive direction (more on that later).</p>
<p>If you are familiar with the Law of Attraction, you will know that the more you think of something, the more it appears in your life. Since you have been saying over and over to yourself in the past 2 years that life appears to not be real, you have attracted even more of that mental state and experiences in your life. It doesn&#8217;t matter how it started, so don&#8217;t try to figure that out. That won&#8217;t help. What matters now is how to change that and become happy.</p>
<p>Since you bring up the issue of dreams and feeling like you&#8217;re wasting your life, let&#8217;s talk about your dreams! What are your dreams? What do you want to accomplish in your life? Are there any scenarios, locations, careers or hobbies that you feel called to experience? I know that you must have dreams, for we all do. And as a teenager, you must have a lot!</p>
<p>So, the cure for you my dear is to start thinking about your passion(s), and then DO IT. Start with baby steps, but do your best to move forward with it. Then you will find yourself really living!<br />
[You may wish to start with a free online class I created called "Find Your Passion", which is located here: http://kissesandhearts.com/classes/free-class-find-your-passion/]</p>
<p>The question of &#8220;What Excites Me?&#8221; is the most important question to ask yourself.</p>
<p>It may help you to know that many people experience what you are now experiencing, and actually, it is a very good thing because it means that you are going through a TRANSFORMATION. Obviously for you, when you hit 15, the life you knew, as a child, started to change. What your parents live or believe is no longer enough. You are now at a stage where you are ready to define yourself!</p>
<p>So how do you want to define yourself? Who do you want to become? That&#8217;s what life is asking of you now, and if you follow your excitement and intuition no matter what anyone else says, you will become a very happy and empowered young man. And very quickly too!</p>
<p>It&#8217;s very important that you define a very clear intention for yourself. Again, something that calls you and excites you. When you have a clear positive self-defined direction in your life, you will feel much better. You&#8217;ll know where you&#8217;re headed, and it will feel magical!</p>
<p>You&#8217;re ok kid. Nothing&#8217;s wrong with you. Now go out there and become the person you really want to be (because that&#8217;s who you actually are)!</p>
<p>Lots of love to you,<br />
Len Sone<br />
certified Life Coach</h3>
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