you might notice that the site title has changed and that it now ends with “young women“. Indeed!

Over the course of these last two years I have coached all kinds of clients. All ages, all genders, it didn’t matter much to me because I can work with anyone. However, slowly but surely a feeling has emerged in me. I realized that the clients I’m most excited to work with are usually young women of ages 18-25 years old. That’s because I identify with them the most, being a young woman myself. Now in my late twenties (I’m about to turn 29 on August 7th, thank you!!), I remember that struggle of having to find my own place in the world with no one really to guide me or help me. I love being that guiding light for other young women.

So there it is.

Please spread the word. Tell young women in your life that I’m offering this service, that it will help them become empowered (confident, established, famous, drop dead gorgeous, all those things we women want)… and if you are a young woman, you need to know that I’m brilliant at what I do, and that I can help you get there. Where? That secret place you want to go in life that maybe no one knows yet because you don’t have the confidence to even speak the words. See, I know you. So come work with me.

Kisses,

Len

Here are the 3 questions to answer.

1. Who are you secretly jealous of?

2. What are you secretly afraid of?

3. What is your biggest obstacle?

These questions will open your mind to your innermost desires and weaknesses.

I am so excited to hear your answers!

What started off as a promising career where you thought (and perhaps occasionally did) that you would have tons of fun and that you’d make tons of money, has spiraled into a yucky marketing/networking/etc that didn’t bring you any clients and even unsatisfying sessions with client(s) you once enjoyed. Financially, you’re no better than you were a year ago or 5 years ago! And now you’re just tired, so tired of it all. And yet, you know you love coaching in some primal way. So what to do?

The truth is that you have to, and crave to, get your mojo back, the excitement and freshness, but you can’t do it if you aren’t willing to STEP OUT for a while.

1. If it’s not fun anymore, take a vacation from coaching! Do something else for a while. Stop coaching!

Seriously, tell your clients that you are taking a vacation from coaching and are not sure when you’ll coach them again. Believe it or not, your clients will be that much more impressed with you. When you get back, you’ll both be fresh again.

If you still want to coach a little bit, tell your clients that you are raising your fee by 100%. That way you can weed out the clients who are willing to stick with you and pay you more. A lot of the burn out that we coaches experience is because we are not paid nearly enough for the amount of energy we put into our coaching. This is a great way to appreciate yourself more, and it sends a great message to others.

Get a regular job or go back to school to support yourself. It’s ok to go back to 9-5, even if you promised yourself you never would. A big part of what made life coaching so exciting is the promise that you will be self-employed and enjoying a relaxing schedule of your own making. But is that a reality or are you constantly worried about money? If it’s not, just admit it and realize that you’ll get there one day. Now is the time for something else. See #2.

2. What is fun for you? What’s fresh?

It’s MOST important to move on to doing what’s purely fun for you without any strings attached. Be kidlike and explore new options!

Whatever your budget, you will find fun things to do and think about if you direct yourself in that direction.

This is the time to grow and discover a new you. See #3.

3. Who do you want to become?

Write out some adjectives describing people you truly admire in almost that envious sort of way. Not admire like “Oh they are a good person” but admire as in “Man, I wish I was like her/him. They rock!”

Now, answer this question: How can I become that kind of energy? See what comes up for you.

Example: Maybe you’ll discover you want to take better care of your physical appearance because beauty inspires you. You can get excited about that and start doing research about how to go about it. You’ll see how easy it is to come up with moving ideas.

You’ll discover that you didn’t loose your joy for life after all. You still know how to be happy!

I hope this article has helped you! You’ll know when the right time is to go back to coaching because you will just HAVE to!!

Kisses,

Len Sone

Self-Empowerment Expert and Certified Life Coach

http://len-sone.com

?

This article is meant for Abers but others may be able to understand/follow it as well.

?

Dear Len,

my dream burns bright within me. I have followed the energy of what excites me vibrationally via focuswheel-ing and appreciation lists (my 2 fave processes) and today got a very specific idea in my imagination. At first I felt “this is it” and was so happy and excited, but then I started to feel major anxiety about it. What is up with that? X, Amy*

ANSWER:?

Dearest Amy* (and fellow Aber),

You’re a true wizard! You’re not an ‘action slut’ but a deliberate creator. What an honor! It is a small # of people who understand that. You have been able to comprehend something that not many people do, even the ones who go on and on about Law of Attraction but don’t truly accept that it’s entirely an emotional/thought journey. That’s Wisdom, and wisdom is a huge accomplishment! So, *BIG APPLAUSE*!!!!!

?

Now, about the issue at hand: you must continue the focuswheel+appreciation process! Here’s why.

You’re uncomfortable because you’re not stable yet. You are VERY close but not quite there vibrationally.

If you remember Abraham’s emotional scale, you are now in ‘overwhelment’ and “impatience”. Yes, you felt great joy briefly, but that is not your overall vibration. Basically, you got in the vortex and then it spit you out. So, still some work to do. And not much because overwhelment is pretty darn close vibrationally to joy.

First, back up a little bit. Come back to things you have under control now. Feel the comfort of things you’re already good at. Beat that drum until you feel confident again. There is no hurry, and this won’t take long.

Confidence is what’s lacking here, so think about whatever makes you confident now. Start with small things, easy things. “I can make pancakes. I have a nice bathroom.” Anything that makes you feel good and proud.

From your new confident vantage point, you’ll see the whole situation more clearly. Maybe that specific idea is actually not IT but it had many of the wanted elements. Or maybe it is IT but now you’ll be able to see it in a new light, and as something you can truly belong to, without intimidation. It all becomes clearer when you are in THE VORTEX.

Your IB is in the perfect reality, the total answer to your asking. So it really doesn’t matter if that specific thing is it or not. Because, you can get to the perfect match. The only reason why you are now attached to that specific thing is because you want your desire to happen ASAP and you fear that it will take forever to come up with another idea. Don’t think of it that way. Keep returning to the knowing that you want to attract what’s already in your Vortex. It’s not a case of someone needing to give you something. It’s a case of following your own bread crumbs to your own creation. As you know from Abraham, the thing you want is being held for you indefinitely. So in other words, you can’t miss the bus. That’s important because, as i wrote, you are tempted to jump the gun a bit. And, I really want you to know that you don’t need to fear losing the manifestation. It will wait for YOU. You are going to get what you want!

Get back in the vortex. Things will get clearer and then, boom- manifestation. And don’t hold on to that specific thing too tightly because what your IB has planned for you may be 10x better. One thing you can trust in is that your IB adores you. So trust Her creation.

You are VERY Very close.

Love,

Len

Answer:

Dear “Theta,”

you ask a very good question. Most people have this same problem, although when you look at them, you may think they’re doing a lot better. Some truly are, but at least 80% of the population is full of critical and fearful thoughts about themselves and others. You are not alone!

Nevertheless, you do owe it to yourself to change your thinking. Your Inner Critic always comes from critical parents/family/teachers and you had absorbed their negativisms as a child. So obviously, changing the way you think isn’t going to be quick, because it took years and years, decades even, to get you to think critically. Fortunately, it will take a small fraction of that time to go back to your natural self and a loving outlook.

So, what you need to do is to develop a new loving way of talking to yourself. This new way of thinking and verbalizing will sound FAKE at first. I want you to know that so that you don’t stop practicing it. Once you practice it for a while, it will become second nature.
Considering this is the most important and valuable gift you can give to yourself, it is really worth the effort.

The “real you” totally adores and loves you. The real you (also called your Inner Being in the spiritual circles) would never ever criticize you because it knows that you are a wonderful and valuable person. You are worth as much as anyone else on the planet!

Here are some steps to help you:

1. When you criticize yourself, see if you can determine exactly who this voice comes from. You may even have an image of the person attached to the thought. I often see my mother’s image and I know that my negative thought is something she would say/think about me.

2. Once you determine who is behind a certain thought, figure out if you want to agree with them. Simply make a clear decision, “Yes, I believe they are right.” or “Nope, I choose to think this instead.”
Where most of us stumble is that our parents or teachers were truly convicted that they were right when they criticized us, but that doesn’t mean they were! See, there are many truths. As many as people on this planet. So don’t get caught up in the trap of believing that either they are right and you are wrong, or vice versa. Both people can be right! You don’t need to convince other people to agree with you in order to feel that you are right. This is where most of us go wrong. All we need to do is choose what we want to believe, and not care what anyone else has to say about it. Stay strong in your own chosen beliefs!

3. Choose the thought that feels better to you. For example, which of these two feels better to you, “I said that wrong because the person didn’t agree with me.” OR “Even though that person didn’t agree, I told him/her my truth in the moment and I’m proud of myself for that.”

4. In your alone time, start giving yourself compliments for every little thing you do. Compliment yourself for washing dishes, taking a nice bath, buying a nice blouse, whatever. Compliment yourself especially when you’re feeling down and unsure of yourself. Soothe yourself by telling yourself that you did everything right and that your life is getting better.

5. Think of the most loving angel you can imagine and say to yourself what they would say. Imitation is a great tool for beginners. An angel would tell you that they love you and all that fuzzy warm stuff. As cheesy as it may sound, this is really how all of us should talk to ourselves. This is what LOVE sounds like.

6. Meditate often. This means: sit in a quiet place, and stare at a point on the wall, having as little thought as possible. You can also close your eyes, though for beginners I recommend keeping them open and focused on something. When people close their eyes, they often start thinking! But by keeping them open and focused on something, you eliminate other thoughts more easily.
Although weird at first, meditation has been shown to equalize the right and left hemispheres of the human brain. It teaches those who practice it what peacefulness feels like. Most of us have forgotten or never experienced it because we grew up with impatient and stressed parents in cities full of insanity!
At first these changes will be something you’ll need to consciously think about and you can make it into a fun game. Within months, you will see how your new responses will become more automatic.
However, the tweaking of one’s thoughts is something we deliberate creators never stop working with. Our self-talk can always be even better.

Finally, it will help you to find a professional to support you in this process of changing your self-talk. A life coach (which is what I do) is a great asset. Life coaching isn’t therapy. We do not live in the past, but help our client get to where they want to go self-esteem and goal-wise. You will have to spend some money on this, but I believe it’s worth it because you won’t feel so alone and full of self-doubt.

I hope this has helped you, love!

Question:

Hello,

I really hope you can help me solve this seeming unsolvable problem. Between two friends of mine.

My friend and her ex-boyfriend. Had a break-up five months ago. The reason he broke-up with her, was due to the fact she had friends finding “dirt” on him. There was no dirt to be found, but his girlfriend eventually started asking numerous questions about it, causing way too many unnecessary fights and arguments. Which in turn cause unnecessary stress.

This boy, my friend’s ex-boyfriend, says he cared very much about her. He realized just how much she meant, when things started to go wrong. He tried almost everything to stop the arguments and fights, but due to several others on the sideline telling his girlfriend(my friend), otherwise, things weren’t able to be fixed.  Even as they tried to be friends several times after the breakup, arguments and fights would still happen, they gave up.

Shortly after, a month or two, She moved across country. I don’t believe a real chance was given to being in a relationship or being friends again.

To me it honestly seems he doesn’t want to let her go. As I’m a friend of his ex. I recently just started talking to him, about a month ago, other friends of his ex are talking to him also, trying to convince him to be friends with her again, including me. People continue to ask him questions and try to convince him, all he says is “no, I don’t care, its going to take a lot more to convince me, I’m stubborn it will never happen, if you can break my stubbornness maybe it will happen, etc etc.”. If he doesn’t want to be her friend, and he knows we definitely are going to try and convince him to be her friend again, why doesn’t he just block all of us?

His reasons and answers change from day to day. He has admitted a lot of things. He even realizes he was wrong during the relationship in some spots. He is an extremely stubborn person, he “blocks” his emotions as he says, and also purposely “forgets” things. I know for a fact he wants to be her friend again. Why is he being this way, what can I say or do to get him to realize that he shouldn’t throw away a friendship of four years.

Not too long ago, about a week or two, his ex girlfriend (my friend) was in an accident. Last night I received a phone call from her, she is fine. I had purposely posted an offline message to him, saying “she had died”. I might have been wrong for doing that, but it’s the only way to get this man to open his eyes and release a little bit of his stubbornness. I then signed on a few hours later and I received a message from him right away as I signed on, asking me if it was really true.

Can you make any sense out of this situation? What can I do to help him see, he’s being stupid and him being stubborn isn’t necessary at all? He hints to all of us that he wants to be convinced, why is this?

 
Answer from Len:

My dear Adam* (*name changed to protect questionner’s & his friends’ privacy) ,

you’re not going to like this answer (at first), but try to keep an open mind anyway and read all of it. I promise you it will save you from more trouble in the future.

First & Foremost: IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!

None of this relationship is any of your business. No one has elected you counsel, and yet here you are talking about it and even trying to “fix” it as if it’s somehow yours. It’s between your friends and they are fully capable of making their own decisions. It’s obvious there was a lack of trust between them before, and as it is said, “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken.”

Given your intense interest in this situation, your actions, and even your temporary lie to your friend that his ex has died, I can tell you that you are being controlling and manipulative. You are doing it all under the “innocent” pretense that you care about your friends, but really, this is about YOU and your emotions.

Sweetheart, we all have shadows, and we all need healing. You really need to ask yourself why, instead of thinking about your own life, you are choosing to try to control someone else’s.
Your friend is not the stubborn one and he isn’t the one who can’t deal with his emotions- in fact, YOU ARE! When a person has trouble dealing with their own emotions, they tend to attach to other people’s problems. That’s exactly what you are doing here.

Please look into your own issues. There are many things in your own life that you are not dealing with and should. You are presently using your friends to ignore your own problems. Leave your friends alone because they know what’s best for them and have taken the right actions for them.

In addition, look into your own romantic history or current love life. It’s very likely that you are really projecting your own romantic feelings and regrets onto your friend. It’s even likely that you have a secret crush on one (or both) of your friends, and are too afraid to admit it to yourself, so you try to fix their relationship instead.

This reminds me of a small example of this in the movie “The Wedding Planner”. The character that Jennifer Lopez played had an insightful story about how her former best girlfriend was being a little too helpful and caring with all her (Jen’s) wedding details. Turns out, her girlfriend was in love with Jen’s fiancee!

There is a “selfish” reason why you are so intensely interested in this relationship. That reason may be a different one, but it exists. Find it!

Dig deep and be brave, because this is about you. Your question is all about you. Should you accept my challenge, you will learn something new about yourself and be liberated.

I’m glad you wrote because many people are doing exactly the same thing you are, and they need to read this.

I hope that someday soon, when you have really learned from this and soul-searched, you will share my advice with others.

Kisses,
LEN SONE
certified Life Coach
http://kissesandhearts.com

QUESTION:

Hello, my name is Paola and I’m 19 years old.
Recently I’ve accepted that I have been living my life in a completely wrong way and I can’t change it to the way I want. I hope you can help me! My problem is that I’m TOO COMPLICATED. It makes me suffer because I think over and over things that aren’t worth it. I have a very good life; I like what I study, I love my boyfriend (and he as a person is everything I could wish for), I have a nice family which supports me in every aspect and have hardly any conflicts with them, I have good friends, I like myself, etc. But, although at certain moments I feel absolutely happy with everything I have… most of the time I just forget it! And get lost in silly things. I’m sure I can be more than happy with everything I have, in fact, at times I really am happy (it’s not like I WANT anything else or want changes… I really do like my life) BUT I don’t know why I just can’t feel it. I’m a very sensible person and immediately feel bad about things; I easily get angry, offended, sad, worried. But with happiness it works the other way around, it’s there but I can hardly feel it.  It’s not like I’m being silly or “blocked” because, as you see, I really think about how fortunate I am (and I know I really am!), I even write things down and then read them to help me feel better… and it works sometimes, but it requires an effort. (For example now after writing this I can tell you surely with a smile on my face: I am happy!)   I sometimes think this is because maybe I just think things too much (and I can’t help it), or maybe because I’m just naturally depressive or something like that… I don’t understand. And it’s a problem for me because I’m afraid I might lose people I appreciate (by complicating with little problems) and also sometimes feel unable to demonstrate other people how special they are to me… It would only feel natural to me to do it if they are dying, if they are breaking up with me… in extreme situations (and I know that is SO WRONG of me) So, in conclusion, my question is: How can I really appreciate things in life and learn to be happy about them naturally? (Is this possible?) I know I can work on it, but can it be something natural? I mean, will my immediate reactions someday reflect what I really should feel(for example joy instead of… worry) ?    I’m sorry if this was too long. Thank you very much for reading! Good bye, have a nice day.
Paola.

ANSWER:

Dear Paola,

I appreciate your question and wish I could talk to you in person, because I know I would be able to help you with more precision.

You can absolutely be happy (there is nothing wrong with you at all), but that doesn’t mean settling for the mediocre. It’s wonderful to appreciate the good things in your life and be grateful, but it’s also natural and necessary for each person to want to grow and to fulfill their FULL potential.

The feeling that I am getting Paola is that you are not yet at your full potential, and deep down you know this! You feel guilty for wanting more because all your friends and family think that you should be happy with what you have. Even you are telling yourself that you live a good life and should not want more.

But deep down, you know there are these desires in your heart that you aren’t living yet. There is so much more to you! Life is huge, amazing, magical, and worth exploring! So are you! Maybe you want to travel to far away places and discover new worlds. Maybe you want to live differently than your family and friends. Maybe there is a whole set of talents and abilities in you that you haven’t discovered yet. I think it’s all of the above.

There is no shame in wanting something different or better, even if what you have is by most people’s standards great.  There have been many great men and women in history who gave up everything they had, even though they had cushy lives, because they wanted to discover more of themselves and the world. The result was that, in addition to achieving their full potential, they ended up revolutionizing their societies and evolving the human consciousness.

You have to get out there, into the unknown, to discover what’s calling you. You may not know what you want now, but your heart is telling you that there is more out there for you. Things you’ve never experienced before. This is what pioneers and explorers do. They are usually not satisfied with the ordinary, no matter how good in other people’s eyes.

Paola, I strongly suggest that you allow yourself to feel your negative feelings and allow yourself to want more out of life. Ask the universe to show you what you need to do next and look for signs. Follow your heart. Don’t worry about what others will think of you. They may think you are crazy to make certain changes, but their opinion doesn’t matter at all.

My heart tells me that you are ready for the next level! I think you are one of those special humans who is here to discover new things, and you are bored with your current life. Just admit it and start looking for new adventures. Take classes that call you, read about explorers, make new friends who think outside of the box or who have travelled more extensively to places you’ve never been to. These things will inspire you and challenge you to grow.

“Complicated” is a negative word for “complex”. Being complex implies that you are above average, able to do what others cannot. Paola, there is nothing wrong with you, you are just meant to do great things.

In my own life, when I was in my early twenties, my peers often used to say to me, “you think too much” and “you over-analyze.” The truth was that they just didn’t understand me because I’m a very deep thinker and I can focus for hours and hours on many aspects and layers and possible interpretations of one issue. Most people cannot. I now use this ability in my work with clients, which makes me very VERY good at what I do, so it helps my clients, and it also makes me great money and I love doing it! The same is true for you. Your complexity is your gift! You just need to find a way to use it in a way that excites you.

The world needs you, so don’t keep yourself small.

I’d like to leave you with these two quotes.

“Throw away the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  -MARK TWAIN

“Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.” – ROBERT KENNEDY

I wish you great success sweetheart!

Kisses,
Len Sone
certified Life Coach

http://kissesandhearts.com

“Personal coaching with kisses and hearts”

This article was a response to a young woman who wanted some advice on her weight issue, but the principles work for anyone who wants to change their body in any way. Enjoy!

——

You have the absolute ability to create any kind of body you wish. Any kind! It’s supposed to be easy and natural.

Your imagination is key to this work. In order to become something new, you must first visualize it until it becomes so comfortable and easy in your mind that your body simply must follow. Tape that last sentence onto your fridge or notebook, because you’ll need a daily reminder.

Is there a celebrity or a certain person in your life that you think has the perfect body?

In your imagination, see yourself slipping into this perfect body, as if you were inside their body. If it helps, you can ask this person for permission and tell them how grateful you are that they will be helping you. The truth is, you haven’t been inside a slim body for a long time, maybe never, so you really need help in imagining what that feels like. In this sense, slim people will soon become your new best friends because they are the ones who know what it feels like to be slim! So stop being resentful of them and start seeing them as helpful and wise friends on your path to beauty and happiness.

Once inside this body, see how you would stand, walk, move your arms, talk and handle yourself. Relax and don’t try to force anything; simply observe what insights come to you. Each day new insights will come, and you will feel more and more comfortable in this new body. As time goes by, you may want to make changes to this body or choose a new one to fit your own ideal. Be as unlimited as possible. Let your imagination roam free, knowing that you are shape-shifting into your ideal self.

Keep affirming that you are light, and practice being light even in your current body, almost as if you are floating through space.

As for physical action, don’t worry about what to do. Eat anything that feels good to you, and if you ever feel inspired to try something new, do it. But only if it feels really good to you. Don’t do anything just because you think you need to do it to get slim. Chances are that you will at some point feel suddenly more attracted to natural foods and some type of fun exercise that’s perfect for your body/personality, but let this happen naturally. Affirm that you trust your body and that your body will tell you what you need.

The only thing I will recommend is that you drink a lot of water. And I mean a LOT. That goes for everyone who wants their body to be healthy. Water is actually necessary for transformation (mental, emotional, and physical) so drink lots and lots of water. Also breathe deeply. Water and breathing are the only two essentials as far as “food” goes.

Remember, visualize yourself in a slim and beautiful body every day. Create happy fantasies of what your life will be like once you are slim. Perhaps your family being so proud of you, or guys/gals checking you out and thinking you’re GORGEOUS!

Have fun with this because creation is meant to be fun. Don’t give up. Your new body already exists and it is waiting for you to become a vibrational match to it!

#8: This is the number of success in your career. People who have many 8s in their birthdate (like August 8, 2008) were born to win. This number is dark blue (see below). If you’re having 8s following you around, it means you’re being blessed abundantly! Think “money, opportunities, success”.

You can use these energies by putting the number(s) in your wallet, on your door, anywhere you wish.