Here are the 3 questions to answer.

1. Who are you secretly jealous of?

2. What are you secretly afraid of?

3. What is your biggest obstacle?

These questions will open your mind to your innermost desires and weaknesses.

I am so excited to hear your answers!

Answer:

Dear “Theta,”

you ask a very good question. Most people have this same problem, although when you look at them, you may think they’re doing a lot better. Some truly are, but at least 80% of the population is full of critical and fearful thoughts about themselves and others. You are not alone!

Nevertheless, you do owe it to yourself to change your thinking. Your Inner Critic always comes from critical parents/family/teachers and you had absorbed their negativisms as a child. So obviously, changing the way you think isn’t going to be quick, because it took years and years, decades even, to get you to think critically. Fortunately, it will take a small fraction of that time to go back to your natural self and a loving outlook.

So, what you need to do is to develop a new loving way of talking to yourself. This new way of thinking and verbalizing will sound FAKE at first. I want you to know that so that you don’t stop practicing it. Once you practice it for a while, it will become second nature.
Considering this is the most important and valuable gift you can give to yourself, it is really worth the effort.

The “real you” totally adores and loves you. The real you (also called your Inner Being in the spiritual circles) would never ever criticize you because it knows that you are a wonderful and valuable person. You are worth as much as anyone else on the planet!

Here are some steps to help you:

1. When you criticize yourself, see if you can determine exactly who this voice comes from. You may even have an image of the person attached to the thought. I often see my mother’s image and I know that my negative thought is something she would say/think about me.

2. Once you determine who is behind a certain thought, figure out if you want to agree with them. Simply make a clear decision, “Yes, I believe they are right.” or “Nope, I choose to think this instead.”
Where most of us stumble is that our parents or teachers were truly convicted that they were right when they criticized us, but that doesn’t mean they were! See, there are many truths. As many as people on this planet. So don’t get caught up in the trap of believing that either they are right and you are wrong, or vice versa. Both people can be right! You don’t need to convince other people to agree with you in order to feel that you are right. This is where most of us go wrong. All we need to do is choose what we want to believe, and not care what anyone else has to say about it. Stay strong in your own chosen beliefs!

3. Choose the thought that feels better to you. For example, which of these two feels better to you, “I said that wrong because the person didn’t agree with me.” OR “Even though that person didn’t agree, I told him/her my truth in the moment and I’m proud of myself for that.”

4. In your alone time, start giving yourself compliments for every little thing you do. Compliment yourself for washing dishes, taking a nice bath, buying a nice blouse, whatever. Compliment yourself especially when you’re feeling down and unsure of yourself. Soothe yourself by telling yourself that you did everything right and that your life is getting better.

5. Think of the most loving angel you can imagine and say to yourself what they would say. Imitation is a great tool for beginners. An angel would tell you that they love you and all that fuzzy warm stuff. As cheesy as it may sound, this is really how all of us should talk to ourselves. This is what LOVE sounds like.

6. Meditate often. This means: sit in a quiet place, and stare at a point on the wall, having as little thought as possible. You can also close your eyes, though for beginners I recommend keeping them open and focused on something. When people close their eyes, they often start thinking! But by keeping them open and focused on something, you eliminate other thoughts more easily.
Although weird at first, meditation has been shown to equalize the right and left hemispheres of the human brain. It teaches those who practice it what peacefulness feels like. Most of us have forgotten or never experienced it because we grew up with impatient and stressed parents in cities full of insanity!
At first these changes will be something you’ll need to consciously think about and you can make it into a fun game. Within months, you will see how your new responses will become more automatic.
However, the tweaking of one’s thoughts is something we deliberate creators never stop working with. Our self-talk can always be even better.

Finally, it will help you to find a professional to support you in this process of changing your self-talk. A life coach (which is what I do) is a great asset. Life coaching isn’t therapy. We do not live in the past, but help our client get to where they want to go self-esteem and goal-wise. You will have to spend some money on this, but I believe it’s worth it because you won’t feel so alone and full of self-doubt.

I hope this has helped you, love!

QUESTION:

Hello, my name is Paola and I’m 19 years old.
Recently I’ve accepted that I have been living my life in a completely wrong way and I can’t change it to the way I want. I hope you can help me! My problem is that I’m TOO COMPLICATED. It makes me suffer because I think over and over things that aren’t worth it. I have a very good life; I like what I study, I love my boyfriend (and he as a person is everything I could wish for), I have a nice family which supports me in every aspect and have hardly any conflicts with them, I have good friends, I like myself, etc. But, although at certain moments I feel absolutely happy with everything I have… most of the time I just forget it! And get lost in silly things. I’m sure I can be more than happy with everything I have, in fact, at times I really am happy (it’s not like I WANT anything else or want changes… I really do like my life) BUT I don’t know why I just can’t feel it. I’m a very sensible person and immediately feel bad about things; I easily get angry, offended, sad, worried. But with happiness it works the other way around, it’s there but I can hardly feel it.  It’s not like I’m being silly or “blocked” because, as you see, I really think about how fortunate I am (and I know I really am!), I even write things down and then read them to help me feel better… and it works sometimes, but it requires an effort. (For example now after writing this I can tell you surely with a smile on my face: I am happy!)   I sometimes think this is because maybe I just think things too much (and I can’t help it), or maybe because I’m just naturally depressive or something like that… I don’t understand. And it’s a problem for me because I’m afraid I might lose people I appreciate (by complicating with little problems) and also sometimes feel unable to demonstrate other people how special they are to me… It would only feel natural to me to do it if they are dying, if they are breaking up with me… in extreme situations (and I know that is SO WRONG of me) So, in conclusion, my question is: How can I really appreciate things in life and learn to be happy about them naturally? (Is this possible?) I know I can work on it, but can it be something natural? I mean, will my immediate reactions someday reflect what I really should feel(for example joy instead of… worry) ?    I’m sorry if this was too long. Thank you very much for reading! Good bye, have a nice day.
Paola.

ANSWER:

Dear Paola,

I appreciate your question and wish I could talk to you in person, because I know I would be able to help you with more precision.

You can absolutely be happy (there is nothing wrong with you at all), but that doesn’t mean settling for the mediocre. It’s wonderful to appreciate the good things in your life and be grateful, but it’s also natural and necessary for each person to want to grow and to fulfill their FULL potential.

The feeling that I am getting Paola is that you are not yet at your full potential, and deep down you know this! You feel guilty for wanting more because all your friends and family think that you should be happy with what you have. Even you are telling yourself that you live a good life and should not want more.

But deep down, you know there are these desires in your heart that you aren’t living yet. There is so much more to you! Life is huge, amazing, magical, and worth exploring! So are you! Maybe you want to travel to far away places and discover new worlds. Maybe you want to live differently than your family and friends. Maybe there is a whole set of talents and abilities in you that you haven’t discovered yet. I think it’s all of the above.

There is no shame in wanting something different or better, even if what you have is by most people’s standards great.  There have been many great men and women in history who gave up everything they had, even though they had cushy lives, because they wanted to discover more of themselves and the world. The result was that, in addition to achieving their full potential, they ended up revolutionizing their societies and evolving the human consciousness.

You have to get out there, into the unknown, to discover what’s calling you. You may not know what you want now, but your heart is telling you that there is more out there for you. Things you’ve never experienced before. This is what pioneers and explorers do. They are usually not satisfied with the ordinary, no matter how good in other people’s eyes.

Paola, I strongly suggest that you allow yourself to feel your negative feelings and allow yourself to want more out of life. Ask the universe to show you what you need to do next and look for signs. Follow your heart. Don’t worry about what others will think of you. They may think you are crazy to make certain changes, but their opinion doesn’t matter at all.

My heart tells me that you are ready for the next level! I think you are one of those special humans who is here to discover new things, and you are bored with your current life. Just admit it and start looking for new adventures. Take classes that call you, read about explorers, make new friends who think outside of the box or who have travelled more extensively to places you’ve never been to. These things will inspire you and challenge you to grow.

“Complicated” is a negative word for “complex”. Being complex implies that you are above average, able to do what others cannot. Paola, there is nothing wrong with you, you are just meant to do great things.

In my own life, when I was in my early twenties, my peers often used to say to me, “you think too much” and “you over-analyze.” The truth was that they just didn’t understand me because I’m a very deep thinker and I can focus for hours and hours on many aspects and layers and possible interpretations of one issue. Most people cannot. I now use this ability in my work with clients, which makes me very VERY good at what I do, so it helps my clients, and it also makes me great money and I love doing it! The same is true for you. Your complexity is your gift! You just need to find a way to use it in a way that excites you.

The world needs you, so don’t keep yourself small.

I’d like to leave you with these two quotes.

“Throw away the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  -MARK TWAIN

“Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.” – ROBERT KENNEDY

I wish you great success sweetheart!

Kisses,
Len Sone
certified Life Coach

http://kissesandhearts.com

“Personal coaching with kisses and hearts”

This article was a response to a young woman who wanted some advice on her weight issue, but the principles work for anyone who wants to change their body in any way. Enjoy!

——

You have the absolute ability to create any kind of body you wish. Any kind! It’s supposed to be easy and natural.

Your imagination is key to this work. In order to become something new, you must first visualize it until it becomes so comfortable and easy in your mind that your body simply must follow. Tape that last sentence onto your fridge or notebook, because you’ll need a daily reminder.

Is there a celebrity or a certain person in your life that you think has the perfect body?

In your imagination, see yourself slipping into this perfect body, as if you were inside their body. If it helps, you can ask this person for permission and tell them how grateful you are that they will be helping you. The truth is, you haven’t been inside a slim body for a long time, maybe never, so you really need help in imagining what that feels like. In this sense, slim people will soon become your new best friends because they are the ones who know what it feels like to be slim! So stop being resentful of them and start seeing them as helpful and wise friends on your path to beauty and happiness.

Once inside this body, see how you would stand, walk, move your arms, talk and handle yourself. Relax and don’t try to force anything; simply observe what insights come to you. Each day new insights will come, and you will feel more and more comfortable in this new body. As time goes by, you may want to make changes to this body or choose a new one to fit your own ideal. Be as unlimited as possible. Let your imagination roam free, knowing that you are shape-shifting into your ideal self.

Keep affirming that you are light, and practice being light even in your current body, almost as if you are floating through space.

As for physical action, don’t worry about what to do. Eat anything that feels good to you, and if you ever feel inspired to try something new, do it. But only if it feels really good to you. Don’t do anything just because you think you need to do it to get slim. Chances are that you will at some point feel suddenly more attracted to natural foods and some type of fun exercise that’s perfect for your body/personality, but let this happen naturally. Affirm that you trust your body and that your body will tell you what you need.

The only thing I will recommend is that you drink a lot of water. And I mean a LOT. That goes for everyone who wants their body to be healthy. Water is actually necessary for transformation (mental, emotional, and physical) so drink lots and lots of water. Also breathe deeply. Water and breathing are the only two essentials as far as “food” goes.

Remember, visualize yourself in a slim and beautiful body every day. Create happy fantasies of what your life will be like once you are slim. Perhaps your family being so proud of you, or guys/gals checking you out and thinking you’re GORGEOUS!

Have fun with this because creation is meant to be fun. Don’t give up. Your new body already exists and it is waiting for you to become a vibrational match to it!

#8: This is the number of success in your career. People who have many 8s in their birthdate (like August 8, 2008) were born to win. This number is dark blue (see below). If you’re having 8s following you around, it means you’re being blessed abundantly! Think “money, opportunities, success”.

You can use these energies by putting the number(s) in your wallet, on your door, anywhere you wish.

ARRRGHHHHH!!! You think “Where are all the fun easy jobs?”

Here is LIFE LESSON #1: You have to create your own job and your own career, otherwise you’ll always be at the mercy of other people’s job offers that are never perfectly suited for you.

Frankly, the new energy demands it. Although the old world jobs still exist, they won’t for long. Trust me, all the fun easy jobs are the ones people created for themselves. Think of Walt Disney! And now all of humanity benefits from his courage and creativity.

And yes, it’s scary going out on your own, building your own perfect career, and then promoting yourself. Then again, even when applying for jobs, you have to promote yourself with your resume (a silly little paper which doesn’t say anything about you- not really).

Start living in the 21st century folks! This means that humanity can benefit from you only when you’re happy, but your job happiness is your responsibility. Please do not wait for someone else to do it for you.

“But how about money?” you ask. I’ll tell you! In the beginning, you may temporarily need to accept some silly Craiglist job in order to survive. But while you’re surviving, don’t judge your self-worth based on THAT job. Start creating your perfect career, and time will come when that will make you enough money.

LIFE LESSON #2: Do what you love and the money will come!

It will. You may not be able to control how quickly because there will be a lot to learn, but every step of the way, you will have the satisfaction of building something GENUINE.

Remember that story about 3 little pigs? What do you think the moral of the story was? Well, the moral was that when you build your house out of weak material, it will be destroyed. But when you build your house out of strong material, it will keep.

From an energetic viewpoint, “weak” material is something your heart is not into. “Strong” material is, of course, something that you genuinely love.

Ask yourself these questions about your current job or past jobs:

- Was I completely happy there?
- Was I completely free to express myself?
- Did I enjoy my schedule?
- Did I enjoy my environment?
- Did I love the people I worked with?

If the answers are NO to all or most questions, your job isn’t aligned with YOU. And because you are a dynamic being who is always changing, the only way to make sure your job changes with you is to create your own job.

To start creating your perfect career, you might want to take my free 3-week “Find Your Passion” e-class, or contact me for individual success coaching.

Wishing you Success!
LEN

PS. If you need extra cash on your way to your perfect career, you may want to earn it promoting KISSES&HEARTS. Contact me for details. =)

A fellow life coach (who lives in MA) recently emailed me with this question, and here was my quick reply. Thought I would post it here for whomever it might help. There’s so much more I can write about this subject, but it’s up to you reader to poke me with more questions!

ANSWER:

Yup, tons of advice! In fact, I was thinking of creating a “Get Clients 101″ class as a third in my series, but you caught me in the middle of my “Find Your Passion” class, which is the first in series.

It’s actually a good question, because I’m paying close attention to it right now. What I’ve learned so far, and these are big topics in and of themselves that I can expand on endlessly:

A. You need to have a big website, a big web presence if you want that to be your getting-clients avenue. Coaches and other healers usually have that 4 page website deal, and guess what, no one is attracted to that because the whole website can be read in 10 minutes or less. You need to be able to get a visitor to spend hours on your site, and reason to keep coming back.
[Making a website and being an observer are so different. It may take you a month to make something, and only an hour for the visitor to see it ALL, but always put yourself in their shoes for a realistic check.]

B. SEO is actually very important. Another big topic I can teach you, but very simply, SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization, and once you understand how it works and you fix your website to use it, your searchability on web spikes. Most healers tend to be totally lost in the sense that search engines wouldn’t find them even if you entered their name, and that’s not good at all.

C. You can’t be just a “life coach”. And you can’t be just a “holistic life coach” either. Why? Because there are so many out there, that it’s becoming ridiculous. You may think you have it hard in MA in terms of the population, but actually the ratio “coach to new age client” is the same I’d say.
What I’m getting at is that it really helps if you figure out a title or brand or something for yourself that makes you different and special. Some people say to find your niche market, but I think it’s more about being smart about branding yourself. 

(Additional note: What I really wanted to say here was this: Always create things in your life around yourself, not yourself around other things. It drives me nuts when people say to choose your audience. Don’t. Figure out who you are (this will change all the time) first, then let the right audience choose you. It’s what STARS do!)

D. Use your strengths and your authentic interests. Don’t do anything that isn’t fun for you in order to get clients. It’s so not necessary because LofA will find a way to make it work for YOU in the path of least resistance ie. most joy. This last advice is the most important and totally overrules A-C. My advice is what I have observed and discovered helped me and those careers I try to emulate in some way, but you may have a very different path where, say, you don’t even need a website. Jesus didn’t, haha, so you know… obviously, keep asking yourself how you like to work with people. I tend to like working in my PJs so I’m web-inclined.

E. This goes with D and addresses WHERE to market yourself. What I have discovered with the web, and I’m sure it’s the same in physical settings, is that the free sites I thought would help me a LOT, like Craigslist, really didn’t, but that clients come from the strangest and various places at strange and various times. I believe that the word of mouth is that mysterious and best free way to get clients. The best way to market yourself properly through other websites really requires lots of money, something we healers usually don’t have at the beginning of our careers. But if you do have money, then it’s easy. Google advertising, ads on other popular PD sites, magazines, etc etc. I’m assuming your question was partly financially motivated, in which case you don’t have the thousands of dollars to pay for advertising.
But you know what, I am always on the lookout for those free “unicorn” websites where one would (not could, but would) get tons of clients, so if that comes up, I’ll let you know (and vice versa please!!!).

Added note: I have heard that Gary Craig’s EFT website is one such website if he selects your EFT article. Supposedly after that, people are knocking on your proverbial door in large numbers. But is it true? Haven’t tested it yet. I do believe those “unicorn websites” exist, but they are different for everyone. Follow Your Bliss and you’ll find out what yours are.

I hope this helped you!

Mystical Unicorn

When you have a creative block, it means you are emotionally curled up like a pretzel.

Being creative in whichever endeavor you enjoy doesn’t just help you stay happier but it literally gives you a sense of purpose in life. 

We all know how it feels to not feel this sense of purpose. We feel like we are walking around and doing things headless, trying to find inspiration in other people.

Focusing your energies on a creative project means being on target. Otherwise, you are focusing your energies on fear, worry, confusion and using these to procrastinate and make yourself miserable.

 So stop it!  =)

How do you untangle?

 Exercise helps. Not only do you get to stretch physically but mental and emotional stretching follows.

Choose the creative project that you always wanted to be known for and go for it. One step at a time, just like walking. When I started this website, I had no idea how it would turn out. But I sat down everyday and saw wonderful things coming out of me. Now this article is done and you are reading it. Wow!

You just have to bite the bullet. No one knows how things will turn out when they begin. Positive visualizations will help you focus your energies, but you never know the exact end result. And frankly, you don’t want to. The process of it is too much fun. It’s like Christmas morning and unwrapping gifts. Every day, you get to unwrap more gifts. In a sense, you are uncovering and discovering your Inner Self. Trust you me, there is nothing more satisfying than that.

So get back to your writing, painting, designing, business planning. You too can be a star!  You too can be well known and respected for your brand of creativity! All it takes is a little bit of courage and a lot of playing around being goofy. 

Do it!

What do you think that means,” being treated as first rate”?

We need to learn how to treat ourselves as first rate. We need to believe that we are first rate.

Affirmation: It doesn’t get any better than me.

There is no one who is more deserving than me.

I deserve love, attention, money, beauty, success, as much as anyone else. I have as much of an access to these things as anyone else.

I am worthy of everything that I desire, and my ability to get it is as big as anyone else’s.

We often look at people we think are more successful than us, and believe that this success was meant for them but not us. Not so! Take a stand! Start treating yourself as first rate!

I have some very good news for you my dear.

 The greater the darkness, the greater the light. You who know of such darkness, you are the ideal candidate for light. Why? Because you create your reality, and if you are powerful enough to create a nightmare, you’re also powerful enough to create a heaven on earth for yourself and others. In fact, those of us who have been to the lowest of lows are actually the most powerful creators. We are here to do great things, we just need to learn to focus our minds on what we WANT, not on what we DON’T WANT. So don’t despair about your despair because it means you are INCREDIBLY POWERFUL!

>> What do you want to be living a year from now?

Write yourself a long letter a year from today, telling yourself of the wonderful life you are living. Sit down and envision that perfect reality. No, not tomorrow. Now! Your homework is to spend at least an hour picturing this perfect reality. Lots of details will be coming to you. Write them all down. Be as specific as you want. Feel yourself living a joyful life, a safe life, an exciting life, a successful life. Feel yourself being loved, getting compliments. Feel yourself looking incredible. Feel yourself enjoying all your new material possessions. Where do you live? What do you do? Who are your friends? Are you dating anyone and if you are, what is this ideal mate like? What do you look like? How do you feel? What are your favorite activities? How do you get to spend your day?

What do you really want? If you could have anything and there was nothing to stop you, what would you want?

Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. Know that everything that you want, wants you equally. The exact thoughts that are popping into your mind saying you can’t have these things are the very thoughts that have created whatever is wrong in your present reality. There is one thing to say to those thoughts: “There is no place for you in the reality that I am now attracting. Goodbye.”

Remember that thoughts are just vibrations. Don’t get attached to them. They are not you. They are like a computer program. You’re the computer. Choose now, and in every moment, to know that you are the housekeeper of your thoughts. They will have no choice but to obey you. YOU my friend are the one who decides which thought stays and which thought goes.
Yes, it will feel a little awkward at first. So was walking, but you got skilled and confident.

You are in charge of your thoughts, not the other way around.

A good affirmation for you to keep saying to yourself is “I am in charge of my thoughts. I am in charge.”

It helps when you stand tall and look to the ground as if you’re talking to your thoughts. They are your servants. Are they serving you well? Throw them out if they’re not.
Add ones that will, even if they feel fake right now.

 Now that you have created your new reality in your mind and on paper, commit to remembering it each day.

I, your name, fully commit to attracting this new reality or better.

Are you truly committed? Because if you are, you must also commit to throwing out all the thoughts that pop up in your head and say that you can’t do it for one reason or another.
You must keep saying to them, “Yes I can. I am attracting my new reality. I don’t need to do anything. All I need to do is think about my new reality and believe it will come to be. Law of Attraction will bring it to me. I don’t need to do anything else, because it is my thought that create.”

Questions and Answers:

1. How about other negative thoughts that don’t conflict with my new reality?

They conflict with your happiness, and they will create something bad in your new reality. Throw out all thoughts that don’t feel good. Replace them immediately with their opposite.

2. What do I think if I am in the supermarket and don’t have enough money?

Think, “I am attracting my new reality in which I have lots of money. In my new reality I will be able to buy…… The current situation doesn’t scare me because I know that it will soon be healed.” And then feel good about the wonderful things you will be able to do in the future.

3. But how can I believe? How can I have that trust that the universe will really help me out just by me thinking good thoughts?

You know what, you don’t have to believe. You just need to be committed to testing it out and not stopping for say 6 months. If your life hasn’t improved significantly in 6 months, give it up. Do a dare with the universe. Deep down, you know you want to try it. So go for it!  You can do it.

4. What if things start getting worse?

Actually, there’s where all the fun is. In my life, whenever things start getting weird, I know it’s an energy shift. Instead of panicking, I know that exciting better things are on their way. I don’t care if you find your lover cheating on you. It’s a good sign. You’re about to meet your soulmate. If you find that your house burned to the ground, it’s a good sign. Your new house is about to come. Commit to this. It will turn around in ways you could never dream of. I promise. Just let the universe do its thing. Stand out of its way. Your only job is to think good thoughts, and continually throw out the bad ones.

5. What if a bad thought just won’t go away?

Keep at it. Keep telling it that it has no power over you and that you have replaced it with a better thought. Think about that new thought. As the new thought becomes more familiar, the old thought will become more unfamiliar. It will eventually fall away. It must!